The period has begun. This is going to be the first time in a while having to work through it. Normally I start on my last day of subsequent work days, or the day after, never the day before. Ugh, I'm not ready to go back to work. =( Three days off, why does it feel like they went by so fast? Normally I'm ready to go back!

Also, I was hella hungover this morning after a night at the pool bar. When I'm hungover, I become the bottomless pit. But when I'm on my period, I'm too bloated to eat. So today I had macaroni and cheese, two Eggo waffles, and soup in a bread bowl from my favorite rival restaurant. It feels weird not eating as much as usual.

I am back home with him, finally. We've missed each other so much. He attacked me the minute I got in the door and what was supposed to be a quick get-the-things-out-of-my-car-and-go (so I could park to the street) turned into an hour of being naked, and the things that go together with that.

I'm pretty relaxed now. Will's playing Skyrim in the other room, and as soon as I do my internet dailies I'm going to join him and then I think it's bathtime for both of us, at his earlier suggestion. <3 I feel like nothing can really get to me right now - oh gosh, I'm truly feeling "our world" again!

...and in this moment I am happy.

I don't think I deserve him anymore.

Even though all I did was hang out with Julia, I feel like such an asshole for the fallout that happened when I came home at 3am without answering any of his texts. We had a big fight that ended in working it out, as we always are able to do, but I still feel so sad about it all. Swedish guilt's still engrained into me after all. I couldn't stop crying last night even though he needed to sleep; he had work at 10am. I started crying again in the morning before he woke up, and then I cried more after he left. I wish he didn't have to work today.

He's so, so good to me. The night before one of my 8am work Saturdays, he wanted to hang out with his brother but I wanted to come back home and be in bed around 12:30. He stayed in bed with me until I fell asleep with the understanding he'd go back to his brother's afterwards, but he ended up falling asleep before I did (I'd drunk too much to sleep) and staying with me the whole night.

I am so fucking immature and even though he has his fair share of problems, I feel terrible. Horrible. Any other synonym out there. I don't want to do anything. I just want to cry and mope around until he comes back. His phone battery is dead, unless it's plugged in he can't use his phone so I can't text him. He knows I'm sorry. I don't know if he realizes how much of a douche bag I feel like right now.

I just got off the phone with his parents; we're going to try to take care of his phone battery today while he's at work. That's a nice gesture, right?

I just want to hold him and never let go (>_<)

I get two days a week off (as most do - of course, I always seem to get called in on Tuesdays but whether I actually do it is another story...and this is all rambling) and since I got TS3, productivity has not been had and it SHOWS. Terribly. So I decided (after playing for half an hour) that I needed to get ready for the baby shower at 1pm and clean until then.

I took a broom to the bathroom and bedroom for the first time - holy crap. It looks pretty good but now the rest of the apartment is still messy and I have to leave soon. The shower ends when Will gets off work, so I might duck out early or just send him next door to his brother's while I finish gutting the apartment out.

This all started because I couldn't find my precious ring. (I may have thrown it in a fit of rage.) This led to cleaning under the bed...which led to me getting dusty, which led to me finding the broom.

Ohhh man I just wanna finish this.

An hour and a half of sleep was all I got last night. Maybe two, tops.

I had to wake up at 6:15am. I went to bed at 10:30pm. It took three hours of tossing and turning before I got fed up. I was so pissed off at myself for not being able to sleep, pissed off at my boss for scheduling me two hours before my availability, and pissed off again at myself for caving in when I spoke to him about it.

Now I'm laying in bed and it feels so good...just hope I can fall asleep. At least I don't have anywhere to be tomorrow.

We didn't really fight today at all, amazingly. In fact, it was a pretty damn good day. =| She woke me up once at 7:17am to ask me some prices on a couple of dolls, but after that she didn't bother me until it was a bit past 9am. It didn't feel like I'd slept at all in those two hours, but I remembered having a dream about Glee so I know I slept. I also dreamed I was in an alternate universe where, for some reason, I had taken the weekend off but something had happened regarding my leaving Iowa City and I was chatting with a friend about it. They said, "at least you can sleep in this weekend with Will!" and I got pretty happy. Then I woke up and was grumpy because I was still here.

My mom really has good friends here. I'm surprised. I'm glad though. Some of the neighbors she's friends with stopped by with carrot cake (!!!!!!!!!!!!) and her closest friend, a lady named Nancy, brought a sandwich from Panera for lunch. I started my period an hour or two after waking up, so I've been dealing with the insane cramps. I don't remember having period symptoms so bad when I was in Japan. After the sale ended at 2 I got a shower, redid my hair (I have a new record of <40 minutes) and we went off to TJ Maxx. I got two new pairs of jeans (yay!) and a shirt. We came back to the mall area again after dinner and went to Love21 primarily to get me some sunglasses, but Mom found some earrings as well. She also was given an application by the store manager, an older lady in her 40s or 50s. I will admit it's nice she's there, one time I was completely brushed aside by one of their cashiers. (I haven't seen her since.)

Now it's time for me to sleep and be woken up again at 7am to help bring things outside again. (=_=); I made a deal that she let me go back to sleep after that, though...so here's to hoping. More shopping tomorrow with whatever money I make. <3

Oh, and what's more? I found a postcard from the university about some "Exit Counseling" bullshit I need to do online before I can officially graduate.

My mom didn't mention a THING about this postcard. It's one of those tiny little fliers that you can plainly see what's written - if she had told me about this I think I could have had my goddamn fucking diploma weeks ago.

SHE NEEDS A HEAD DOCTOR

I am at my mother's. Already, I want to go back to Iowa. I've been wanting to go back to Iowa since I left. =/

Already, this woman makes me want a cigarette. I don't even smoke.

I got home at 9:15. I said I was hungry. I went to the bathroom after pulling out some eggs to start frying from the refrigerator. When I came out of the bathroom she told me to put on clothes (I'd changed into PJs) so I could sort through my things in the garage for the sale tomorrow.

=|

9:15pm.

Starving.

I can't with this woman, I just can't....

I'm missing out on Viva Voce's concert for this bullshit.

I haven't even talked about what happened.

She called me earlier this week on Tuesday to confirm I was arriving on Thursday night, that's what my last post was about. It didn't end well, I got pissed off at her for guilt-tripping me. I am continuing to get pissed off at her. I can't be around her. This weekend is going to be a severe test of my patience. The only bright spot I had was opening my boxes from Japan, and now that that's over (I wish it wasn't too late/cold to start loading up my car again) I'm hoping I can make it out to the mall sometime tomorrow to get some new, cheap, Forever21 sunglasses.

I'm so tired...and today when I called to let her know I was coming (after one of the busiest work days I've ever had), she seemed to have eased up on letting me sleep in until 8am instead of 6am. But when I got here and she was discussing yard sale things, she "subtlely" hinted that she wanted me awake earlier to help move things out.

Who the fuck has a yard sale on a weekday morning?

I can't. going to pull my fucking hair out.

good night.

Fighting with my mom really stresses me out.

Living with a non-passive-aggressive boy has begun to change me. I've caught onto my mom's guilt-trip tendencies - not that I hadn't before, but now I call her out on it.

My eye twitches constantly. I think it twitches even more when I'm stressed. I need to do something about this. It doesn't hurt, but it annoys the shit out of me.

I can't wait for Sunday...just wanna sleep in with my boo (=____=)

oh I love him but why must he play keyboard so loud when I'm half an hour out of waking up?